Friday 31 December 2010

THE AFTER EFFECT OF HAVING A DEATH AT HOME

There would indeed be the never ending flows of pouring tears, heavy heartache, the feeling of guilt of not able to save a life and occasional mood swings. That was exactly how I felt when my favorite cat, Jeremy, passed away two weeks ago. I knew I had to stay strong but yet I was so deeply affected by my worst enemy – emotion. It was until a close friend told me her story about the rules of life when someone had decided to have a close relationship with another, may it be a person or a pet.

“Of Memory and Loss

Before I went to sleep, I decided that the next morning I would go and get a pet. I was not sure if it would be a dog or cat or bird or something else. All I knew was that I needed, no, wanted to share my life with another creature that would accept my friendship and affection.

As I slept, I fell into a deep dream.

There before me sat the most beautiful creature, neither male nor female. To either side of this wondrous creature, there were two identical waterfalls with deep clear pools at their base. From each waterfall, the most crystal blue water cascaded down. I was entranced. Never before had I seen such beauty, such serenity.

Wordlessly, the creature motioned me to come towards the pools at the base of the waterfalls. I noticed that at each pool, there was a small silver cup attached to a fine silver chain.

"Dip thy finger into the pool and taste," the creature said as it gestured to the pool to its left.

I did as instructed. As the clear cool liquid touched my tongue, my stomach clenched with pain and my heart pounded fiercely within my chest. Hollowness rang throughout my being that I feared I would never recover from.

"This is the Pool of Loss." the creature said and then it motioned to the other pool of water. "Dip thy finger into the pool and taste."

Warily, I drew my forefinger through the water of the other pool of water. As my finger touched my tongue, a joy so deep and pure touched my soul. A wave of happiness and wonder drowned the pangs of sorrow and loss the first pool had caused.

"This is the Pool of Memory," the creature said. "If you take one of God's creatures into your heart, you must be prepared to drink from both pools. Do you accept this as your covenant, your bond with one of God's creatures?"

Silently I nodded yes.

"Then drink from each pool." The creature instructed as it motioned towards the silver cups at the sides of the pools. "For now they will bear no taste, but in time you will discover how much you have partaken of each."

The very next day, I went and found a kitten at a local pound. It was the smallest one of the litter and it was the one who seemed to need me the most.

I watched it grow and play and I reveled in the smallest joy it brought to me. But then without warning, it was taken from me in a way most sudden and cruel.

Once again I felt the pangs I had felt in my dream when I tasted the waters of the Pool of Loss. Only this time, I thought the pain would never leave. Then, I remembered the taste of the waters from the Pool of Memory. Slowly the pain of Loss began to subside, and was replaced with the joy of Memory.

Now I realized that I had drank more from the Pool of Loss than the Pool of Memory in my dream. But now I knew that the Pool of Memory brought more than enough comfort to offset the pain the Pool of Loss could cause.

I now bear the knowledge that each time I open my heart to one of God's creatures, I drink from the Pool of Memory and the Pool of Loss. How much I partake depends on each creature and that, in the end, the power of Memory is so much more powerful than the Power of Loss.”

Therefore, the drinking from the Pool of Loss had to stop someday and somehow. It should be now as the water from the Pool of Memory would help ease the pain and sadness I had within me. For each and every of those memories, I should be glad that I had the opportunity to spend the happiest moments of our lives together, bringing smiles to each without fail daily. I still miss him but life has to go on. I’m sure he won’t want me to be sad forever.

Here’s a simple tribute video I did for him for the great memories we had for the last 3 years together. I’ll surely cherish all those sweet moments forever. I’ll miss you Jeremy… Rest in Peace~



Note: You might want to let it load fully before playing for the best effect. In case of failure to load well, try visiting: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N76pO4zRv3I

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