Monday, 30 April 2007


What do you do when you have attracted a lovely person into your life and now you're terrified that you are going to blow it or terrified that it is going to end? I have talked to many such persons who have this phobia. In my own terms, I called it the “SCARETOLOSE” phobia. I came across many people weekly who has this fear of losing someone they love or even too afraid to be involved in a relationship because they have been hurt so deeply before. Well, I have come up with a few strategies in my own opinion that I hope would help all those troubled people out there.

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Let us look at the WRONG STEPS TAKEN which will end a relationship right from the beginning.

1. “People with the same interests will definitely work out.” Assume the person is your soul mate immediately upon meeting or shortly thereafter. Look for signs that faith has brought you together and be amazed by the correlations in your lives.

2. “It is my life and who cares about all those people out there. They die is their business, not mine.” Forget about your life, your friends, your self-care. When you have a soul mate, why would you need a life outside of the relationship?

3. “I am who I am. We are meant to be together.” Reveal everything, and test your partner with your worst behavior. Let it all hang out. After all, if this is truly your soul mate, he or she will love you no matter what.

4. “Sex is the right way to show our commitment for each other.” Have sex right away. If you are meant to be together for a lifetime, you might as well get started on the fun part right away.

5. “He or she will have to follow what I do or say.” Ignore anything about your partner that does not match with your values, lifestyle, or belief system. True love can conquer such insignificant differences.

6. “Let’s do a trial run.” Do lots of drama together. Job, family, and life crises are great ways to establish a relationship and test whether or not you are meant to be together.

7. “We should not be separated at all times.” Spend as much time together as possible. When it's true love, you can't bear to let your partner out of your sight. Who believes in “Absence makes the heart grows fonder”?

8. “That’s just a small mistake, it is ok for me.” Ignore behavior that crosses your boundaries or hurts your feelings. It's true love, so it's ok.

9. “I put in 100% of my love and I should get the same.” Lavish a huge amount of attention on your partner or expect a huge amount of attention to be lavished on you. How else would you act if you finally found your soul mate?

10. “This is how I want it.” Push the relationship forward and demand that it go deeper, in spite of where your partner is emotionally. You have the right to have the relationship be exactly how you want it to be and your soul mate owes you that.

Actually, there are only 4 simple rules in a good relationship. It is so simple that hardly anyone takes note of them. If you want some insurance that your new relationship has every chance of making it, here are the answers:
Honesty, Communication, Clear about your needs and boundaries and be a good listener.

On the other hand, your relationship may end no matter what you do. Due to some unforeseen circumstances, some things are not within our control. But being in fear, it will actually make the end more likely. To eradicate this fear, let us be assured that the person you are with be THE RIGHT PERSON. Simply be with him or her one day at a time. Do not rush into a relationship immediately. Start as a friend to understand him or her more. If everything go on smoothly, to commit in the relationship is still not too late.

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