YESTERDAY ONCE MORE

Have you ever dream of turning back the clock to be with the one you ever loved once again? I have always dreamt of doing this, even more after I have visited CC’s blog recently. I was so engrossed with one of her posts that I repeatedly played the video consciously and unconsciously umpteen times. This was the first time I have blog hopped and stopped at a site for more than two hours.

My heart and limbs went soft and fragile listening to this specific song. My body felt so feather light as if I was floating above the air, flying as freely as the birds towards the horizon. But I did not feel free at all. I felt like I was still caged in and struggling desperately to get out of the trauma I had. I tried to control my tears from flooding down onto my keyboard but the memories of my first ever love which still linger in my mind was just too great. Those were indeed the sweetest days I had with her before she migrated elsewhere.

Stumbling onto my couch, my mind was suddenly filled with those sweet memories of the yesteryears. The feelings of holding on to her hand while strolling bare-footedly along the white smooth sand off Batu Ferringhi beach; caressing her tightly but warmly whenever we were together; surprising her with that soft but loving little smooches; stroking her hair now and then, made me wanting to have her sitting right here next to me now. I just could not get her off my mind, even now.

Dozens of photos flashed through my mind picturing the first day we met, the sweetness and bitterness we had gone through together until the day she had moved away with her family. I am still thinking of her, wondering how she would be now. I guessed we were destined not to accompany each other to grow old gracefully. Maybe God has his own ways of separating what was then the perfect match, the perfect soul mate. Although I still have grudges over His cruel decision, but I have to accept the fact that we were never meant for each other as reality.

It hurts deeply not knowing where she is, what she is doing and how she is now. It has been years since I got news from her. Had the love we shared before slowly vanished into thin air? How I wished I could just have a chance to turn back the clock to see her ever beautiful radiance smile once again. Dear…no matter how far you are, I will never erase that valuable part of you ever from my memory. Love you no matter where you are wholeheartedly. Take care!