Wednesday, 6 June 2007

OVERCOMING EMOTIONS: ANGER MANAGEMENT

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Have you ever develop headache, backache, pain in the neck or even chest when get irritated over things that does not work out as per your expectation in your life? When you set out to live your life as you wanted it to be and all you get are rejections and obstacles? Have you ever sat down and study the sensations and feelings that emerge inside you when things like this happen? Well, I do and I did a little research on myself to see how bad it has affect me in my life. The results are darn annoying. I got irritated by either something, someone or even a simple situation not less than 25 times a day!

Here are some of the scenarios:

SCENARIO 1:
“Where the heck is he when we are supposed to meet up at 4pm?” It was 6pm then. I got annoyed and was walking up and down the office kicking at whatever things that are blocking my way and grumbling to myself as if I was a mad man. In fact, I could have just given him a call to avoid the aggression and anger. The result: He met with a minor accident while coming over to meet me and was busy settling with the other party at the accident scene. What a JERK I was!

SCENARIO 2:
“Damn! He was supposed to get me the groceries I wanted him to buy. What takes him so long?” I was cursing at his slowness in dealing with everything in the world and thinking about all his negative ways throughout his whole life. “Sorry, there was a long queue at the cashier.” Gosh…I was too personalized to judge him without considering other factors that slow him down while getting my groceries. Again, what a JERK I was!

SCENARIO 3:
“WTF! Who did not fill up the kettle? What do you expect me to drink then? Air?” “ Ah Beng…Ah Kao…Minnah…#$%@@$%&$*!!” The response I got was, “There is no water supply as the workers are still repairing the piping system behind the house.” Alamak…I lose my temper over something that beyond anybody’s control. I should have asked before I lose my temper. Again, what a JERK I was!

SCENARIO 4:
“Aiyo…this Aunty wants to pay her sundries also takes so long. She wants me to queue up the whole day just to pay for my packet of bread? @#@$@%^*…old women are real troublesome. They should stay at home and not come out to spoil my world!” At that moment, all the evil thoughts flashed into my mind without thinking that one day I will also grow old and people will also curse me with my slowness. Wouldn’t it be better if I just be patient and help out the poor woman by putting her groceries onto the table for the cashier to scan? Don’t you think by doing that you will help the queue move faster? Again, what a JERK I was!

SCENARIO 5:
“Which stupid idiot wrote such a bad comment in my blog? He even dared to comment that I looked like a hooligan. What? Do I look like Ah Beng? F**k him! This is my blog and I do what I want. It’s none of his f**king business!” Well, I was really mad at that time cursing him whenever I think of him. After counting 1 until 5 a few times to calm myself down, I sat there wondering how true were his comment. Did I really project that kind of image in the eyes of the public? How could I improve myself to avoid such kind of remarks in the future? I found an ideal answer: “Do not point your finger at others when you do not even understand yourself better” It does take a level of commitment on my end but I am willing to change for the better. Again, what a JERK I was!

There are more scenarios but I guessed these few examples are enough for us to judge what an “ASSHOLE” we are to lose our temper over certain things which is so minor in our lives.

It is understandable that anger is a natural defense mechanism inbuilt in us to keep us from being abused when our boundaries are violated or even when we believed we were wrongly accused of things that we assume is right. When this happen, we are confused on the ways to deal with the world inside us and we lashed out at what is outside of us unsparingly.

Many of us do not realize that the increase of heart rates, blood pressures and even the rise of adrenaline within us will have a higher percentage of suffering from heart attacks, strokes, increased cholesterol levels and tensing of bodily muscles. These will cause us to be more fatigue, to have more stress, more migraines and also blur visions in certain cases. On top of that, the side effects of these negative emotions such as shame, guilt, fear and the feeling of been abandon will contribute to more mental and physical problems.

“Be angry and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity…let bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. And be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other…” How well said is the quote, only if we as humans are prepared to change the way we think and act.

Take the time to understand and be understood by everyone you come in contact with. Take the first step by offering a closed mouth and open ears approach. Be a listener and not a talker when handling conflicts. Stay positive minded. Sometimes, we tend to tell certain people to feel in certain ways but in this approach, we prevent them from living in the moment. When we listened to them with neither approval nor disapproval, we shared a sacred and tangible reality of incomparable richness. The greatest gift you can give a person is to accept them as who they are. Humans make mistakes and no one is perfect. So, when you have accepted a person, you create a space for them to change, to improve themselves, to excel in their lives. You will be surprised that in this space, miracles do happen!

Take time to understand your inner self. The more you understand yourself and the environment surrounding you, the more you understand the way to live a healthier life. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could conquer our anger?

18 comments:

savante said...

Great advice. I think most of us should count to ten before speaking up :)

Val said...

What you pointed out are true. To some extent. Some people just went all out to annoy you. Really difficult to hold in anger when you're dealing with those those those... scums?! Haiya! And she goes to church! Really! Blardy hard to forgive a bitch like tat I tell you. Crap.

papajoneh said...

oh yesss.... i experience this more than 10 times. in fact like just now.
The one thing I did right is just take a deep breath and just ignore it. eventhough it hurts but... it only can get worsen if I myself do not control it.

kuanhoong said...

This story is good too:

"There was a young boy having trouble controlling his anger so his dad handed him some nails and said, "Son, each time you feel angry drill one nail into the fence outside".

Each day, the nails on the fence increased and the boy realised it was easier to control his anger than driving the nails into the fence. He gradually learned to keep his calm and told his dad of the same. His dad now told him to remove a nail each time he was able to control his anger and return the nails.

Eventually the boy removed all the nails and handed them over. His dad then took him to the fence and showed him the holes left on the fence and said "The fence can never be the same now, the nails are gone but the holes remain."

The boy immediately understood the meaning of his dad's words. His anger had not only destroyed the fence but also severed so many relationships and hurt people."

Nastasshea@Nesh said...

Yeah sometimes we gotta think of the factors that may caused the hold up or lateness or whatever that will irritate us! I admit... I NEED anger management class! Grrr... get angry so easily...

CRIZ LAI said...

savante: Hi Dr Paul...nice to have you here. Thanks for your comment. Do drop in more :)

val: i also noticed that. Some people tend to act holy but their tempers are ready terrible.

papajoneh...yea...the breathing steps tend to calm down many people. It also applies to many other things such as examination, competitions, etc. You can read my earlier article on this matter.

kuanhoong: Yea...I know not only this story but many more. I rather not stressed you guys with too long an article :P

nastasshea: Be Relax – Even if you are sitting down in front of the computer, stretch as many muscles as you can from head to toes. Close your eyes, breathe in deeply, fill your chest with as much air as you could, hold it for 5 seconds, and slowly let it out. Repeat these steps a few times until you are not feeling so tense. :)

healy said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
kuanhoong said...

Hey, I see you're having trouble with spam comment? Just set all your comments for moderation before they are published. With that, you don't have to manually delete unwanted comments.

Just to let you know in case you are not aware.

CRIZ LAI said...

kuanhoong: it's not spam. It's something too sensitive for the eyes of readers :P

SuwaN said...

all your post so long @.@
i want pening after finish reading.
i will try to understand my self! haha!

ps#sorry , about the shoot, hard to help me, busy nowaday, did't go out, or u give me other idea again~ haha!

kayatan said...

There is a very good Chinese proverb goes something along this line : if you look far away, the sea become wider, the sky looks infinite. ('kan teh yuan hai qua tian Kung')

In fact, life is really too short to be micro manage !

Something looks so important to you now is not so important in 20yrs.

I used to be very hot temper until after I had my stroke. My left side was total paralysed, I could not form words very well, saliva comes down from my mouth without my control or notice, 1/2 of my face was without any motion. I looked at myself, I cried and think of all the things that mean so much to me but not anymore !

No I have my 2nd life, I have become less hot temper. A lot of things that used to make me hot become tak apa that much.

A lot of times even in a situation where you are beng beng right but others think they are right, you fight, you fight back and you win !

So what even if you win ? Every minute when we are angry, our body cell die ! damage !

So to live a long and happy life, don't get others bother you that much. BE HAPPY !

pikey said...

hahahahaa.. good entry... and the thing to remember is always take a deep breath, have the benefit of doubt and always listen before judging...

Jewelle said...

Sometimes its easier said than done. I think most of us KNOW of what to do to avoid exploding but something in that moment, you just can't help it...pity my kids sometimes

p/s my teeth also growing thin because grinding too much to control anger, LOL

Bee said...

When I have some word exchange with my husband, I go away before saying things that hurt. It's crazy how different the mind thinks when you are in a totally different mode.

CRIZ LAI said...

suwan: It takes time and patience to read and understand what I write even though it's long. I advise you to try build up your patience :)

kayatan: Jamy...having the 2nd chance to make things better is God given. I am happy to know that you have changed for the better. Keep it up and you would not be disappointed with what lies ahead for you. Take care :)

pikey: good..you are learning fast :)

jewelle: It's all in the mind. Adults tend to have one way communication. Won't it be good if you just listen to what your kids have to say before giving them the sentence? I guessed we are still learning each day. Errr...do you need me to introduce a dental surgeon for you teeth problem? :P

bee: No one thinks alike. That's why conflict of interests always happen. I can see that you have found the way to have a more peaceful family. Good Luck then :)

conan_cat said...

ah yes, bad temper sure won't do anyone any good... you hurt others, you hurt yourself, and you feel awful about it.

however i guess temper is not to be controlled, but managed. how you manage your thoughts, your ideas, your thinking will affect what you feel. keep being positive is the known secret, i guess :)

CRIZ LAI said...

conan cat: yea conan...you are thinking very positive now. Keep it up :)

Bell said...

I need to learn to meditate and relax a bit more. I'm a very tolerant person but at the same time I also have a short fuse... I get angry easily. I guess controlling those outbursts is a part of growing up ad we have to learn to be considerate of others. Angry people only say things they will regret.

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