Friday, 4 May 2007


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There are certain people in our lives that are so important that we designate an entire day each year to celebrate them and to show our appreciation. Mothers’ Day is one of those special days where you set aside all other commitments and reflect on all the wonderful things your mother has done for you. By making Mothers’ Day special, you have the opportunity to thank her for all the sacrifices she has made and all the love and support she has given you throughout the years. This year, Mothers’ Day falls on 13th May 2007.

Worried about what to get for your Mum on Mothers’ Day? The majority of us probably will consider buying something special, some kind of a material gift for Mum so she can feel the love and care that she deserves. However, what makes a mother especially loved and cared is more than a material gift on Mother's day, but a sincere love, appreciation and a sense of closeness.

Surely, Mothers’ day is a great time of year to send flowers, a card, or give a special gift to a mother, but ask yourself: how many times a year do you call your mother; how many times a year do you see her, how many times do you listen to her and ask for her opinion or advice? Call her now. Give her the gift of time. Mothers are here for us not only on Mothers’ Day but also the other 365 days. Surely they deserve many more days, right? Being more creative, loving and more personal would make the best gift of love that you could ever give to your mother.

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My reflections on how great my Mum is to me are briefly written below.

As I was doing some cleaning up in my room, I found some oldies CDs stacked nicely in a box. Out of curiousity, I took them out and began listening to one of them. It was the music of my Mum’s generation. It was exhilarating and it brought back a lot of fond memories. Closing my eyes and lying comfortably on my sofa, I let my mind drifts back to my childhood days. I unearthed while listening to a piece of my past, echoing some of the joy of my childhood, some of the richness of my family history, of my personal myth and it felt so good. I discovered, too, that I like who I am, who I have become and I owe a good deal to my parents, especially to my Mum.

I was not the perfect son at that time. Ours was not a perfect relationship; but my relationship with my Mum was always important to me, and it grew more important to me with each passing year. There was a gnawing at the very core of my heart, telling me that I needed to heal my relationship with my Mum, even before she became ill few years back with a stroke. I made a conscious decision then to stop brooding about the past and to enjoy what I loved about my Mum.

I know life sometimes disappointed her, and there had been times in our relationship when I felt I could never do enough to please my Mum; and then there were also times that I didn't think I did enough for my Mum; and I believe she would have forgiven me now. I felt grateful that we had grown close, and realized for the first time that it was not through my efforts alone. We had been moving in sync towards each other ever since.

As I continued to listen to the music, I began to feel grounded, centered and healed. I acknowledged myself for my unfailing eagerness to forgive the past, to accept my Mum for who she was, and to love her for being the best Mum she knew how to be with her level of understanding, knowledge and awareness. Even when she got annoyed with me for not doing what she wanted, or for not going somewhere for the family's sake, I think she admired my ability to take strong stands on things.

So, I guess I was a good son; perhaps not the best, but the best I knew how, with my own level of understanding, knowledge and awareness. And today I can say that I have no regrets, no major ones, anyway. I mean I wish I hadn't been so sarcastic during my teenage years with her. I wish I had never said or do things that hurt her again, not ever.

Lost in my reverie, I heard the music come to its end, and a part of me couldn't help but to sigh, thinking of the life that once was. I am savoring the good memories, and I am grateful even for the not-so-good ones, for all of them, mixed up and shaken together, have contributed to the person I am. I give special thanks to my parents who provided me with the perfect soil in which to grow.

My Mum has taught me so many things, large and small, but the basics are as follows:

I’ve learned that life is so much easier if I just be myself. This is living life openly and honestly, and saves time, energy, heartache, and misunderstanding in any situation, or in any relationship.

I’ve learned that life is what it is, people are who they are, and any attempts to pretend otherwise are just that pretensions and illusions.

I’ve learned that parents are human too which helps me to be more accepting of my own frailties and failings in dealing with my life. We all do the best we can as parents, and pray that love can overcome our humanity.

I’ve learned that sparing someone’s feelings about small things is polite, but that with life-impacting situations, it’s depriving them of essential information that they may need to make decisions about their life.

I’ve learned that a sense of humor is essential for survival, because to laugh at life and at myself allows me to maintain my perspective on life.

I’ve learned that I have the answers that I need to live my life within me, if I just be still enough and look deep enough to understand.

My specially dedication to my super idol, Lilian Chan - A SUPERMOM, who can cook, raise 5 children, write damn good blogs, manage a cool family and still have time to do charitable works . If I can vote for Super Mums of the year, you’ll always be my 1st. “Happy Mothers’ Day!”


zewt said...

this coming mother's day will be one that will be difficult to bear for me. so many things i wanted to do with my mom and i have already tot of which restaurant to bring her, but i guess it will all be futile. how i wish i have done all that earlier.

i am glad your relationship with your mom improved over the years... better late than never. and keep it up bro...

CRIZ LAI said...

Zewt: Life has got to go on. Your Mom will be happy up in the heaven, knowing that she has such a filial son. All the best and hope to see you here more often. Thanks for your support too :)

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