NATIONAL EXCUSES OF MALAYSIANS TODAY

NATIONAL EXCUSE FOR GAINING WEIGHT: McDonald’s

NATIONAL EXCUSE FOR LOSING WEIGHT: Pokai (Broke). No money eat.

NATIONAL EXCUSE FOR HAIR LOSS: Maggi Mee.

NATIONAL EXCUSE FOR BEING LATE: Traffic Jam.

NATIONAL FAKE ILLNESS FOR GETTING MC (MEN): Food Poisoning.

NATIONAL FAKE ILLNESS FOR GETTING MC (WOMEN): Menstrual Pain

NATIONAL FRUIT FOR INDUCING MENSTRUATION: Pineapple

NATIONAL FRUIT FOR FARTING: Eat too many durians.

NATIONAL APHRODISIAC DRINK: Stout. Many swear by it. But after a few pints, they start swearing at everything.

NATIONAL CONDOM: None. Most Malaysians still feel embarrassed about buying condoms. So they rushed into a 7-ELEVEN, hurriedly grab the nearest pack, any pack, pay and leave before the cashier can even blink an eye.

NATIONAL EXCUSES GIVEN BY WOMEN WHEN REFUSING SEX: Headache, kids not asleep, maid not asleep, mother-in-law around, early appointment, food not digested yet, air-condition not cold enough, air-condition too cold, nail polish not dry yet, forgot to take the pill, sleepy, stomach cramps, period, haven't remove make-up, haven't shower, no water supply, depress, no mood, etc...

NATIONAL EXCUSES GIVEN BY MEN WHEN REFUSING SEX: None. Malaysian men never refuse sex.

NATIONAL CURE FOR HEADACHES: Panadol - the sure "cure for all". If it fails we have another secret weapon - Tiger Balm.

NATIONAL CURE FOR DIZZINESS: Minyak Angin Cap Kapak.

NATIONAL CAUSE OF DIZZINESS (FOR YUPPIES): Happy Hours.

NATIONAL INSTANT CURE FOR DIZZINESS (FOR YUPPIES): The sight of a police road block.

NATIONAL RUBBISH DUMP: Anywhere but in your house compound or surroundings.

NATIONAL ROADSIDE DISTRACTION: The Braless Tourist. See how heads turn and traffic slows down when a braless Mat Salleh backpacker goes bouncing about on the streets.

NATIONAL CAUSE OF TRAFFIC JAMS: Another accident site. Malaysians are rather “kaypo” about everything.