LETTER TO MARS

Dearest Martian,

I would be grateful if you could abduct a few weird species over here now. It is getting more and more stressful for me each day. My hair are getting whiter and dropping more often than I have expected them to be. My eye bags are getting darker and heavier too. My body gets easily tired due to unnecessary workload towards the end of the day. The brain seemed to be stalled due to over-powered lethargy. The fingers hardly listen to the brain nowadays and kept on producing lots of typo errors. The ears too might have some problems as there was the silence from ignorance all the time. The nose was always sensitive towards whatever viruses and particles that were left drifting about the place. Even though the mouth was kept mum all the time, the noises by other mouths and actions kept piercing sharp tingling pain into the head. It is real suffering over here.

Oh, come back to the main topic. I was wondering if you would be interested in abducting a plump furry pinkish rabbit who has nothing more to do than eating, sleeping and going out until the wee hours of the next day. I need to warn you first. Its place is filled with lots of shredded fur and it stinks like hell. You can see dirt, furs and many colored triangular shaped cloth all over the place. Even my cats are considering the place as a regular spraying and business area now. You can practically see its mouth opening and closing quite often but at times the silence is damn scary. Sometimes, I can hear soft noises of it sharpening its claws and teeth to prepare for some unexpected invasions. This is a silent killer or maybe a ninja in disguise. Watch out for any hidden samurai sword. You would not want to be caught off guarded, right? This rabbit has big ears too. It uses its ears to listen to the other rabbit instead of finding out about the real happenings surrounding it. It used to be an obedient rabbit but I guessed mixing with the wrong attitude rabbit will somehow affect its thinking. You can try examining its brain to find out what causes it to behave so awkward.

On the other hand, if this pink rabbit is too hard to deal with, you can go for the white rabbit. No doubt the place is as filthy as the pink rabbit’s hole, this one is much skinnier. Other than the normal sleeping and late coming home habits, this one hardly eat and will stay in front of the laptop three quarter of a day. You can practically see cobwebs gathering slowly around it. This rabbit specialized in sharpening its teeth and major in underground attacks. It will bite suddenly when you least aware of its existence. Lazy by nature, it will never clear up the surrounding mess it has created. The worst, it hardly cleans itself up unless someone kick its butt to do so. This rabbit is still young and do not use its brain to act wisely. Maybe a brand new hardly used brain would be a good choice to operate on.

If you think that you are not interested in abducting them, you can try me. I volunteered to surrender myself for your inspection. At least I can ease myself from more stress and have a nice vacation in deep space. You do not have to worry about food too as I can easily create different food fusions to suit your taste bud. My brain contained lots of data from the past and present. You may find many failures in them but you can see the solutions through experiences that led to many successes. They are also many systematic plans and foresights for the future too. Just make sure you jot down well when you dismantle my brain and know how to reassemble it later on. I will still need it for the benefits of other earthlings when I am brought back to earth.

One thing, leave my two cats alone. They are even smarter and more self discipline compared to the two rabbits. They are very hygienic and know where to do their businesses at the appropriate time and place. Unfortunately, they cannot stand on their own two feet during my absence to assist me in clearing up the mess left by the two rabbits.

The only worry that I have now is that I might not recognize my own place when I come back from the long trip. It could end up as the largest dump in my country. Somehow, I need to get someone to fill up the empty room left behind by the skunk recently. How glad I was when it had decided to vacant the place, even though the trail left behind by it was not pleasant to the nose. Maybe you can loan me a considerate and responsible human being prior to my journey?

I do hope to hear from you soon. I mean real soon!

Regards,
Criz Lai